


- almost ( 𝐉. 𝐀.)

by dissidentvedder



Series: 𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐥 𝐣𝐚𝐦 [4]
Category: Pearl Jam
Genre: Death, F/M, Pregnancy, Pregnancy issues, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:20:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23708272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dissidentvedder/pseuds/dissidentvedder
Summary: capturing the sadness of the word: “almost.”A/N - layout by @adoresobs!
Relationships: Jeff Ament/Reader, Jeff Ament/female!reader
Series: 𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐥 𝐣𝐚𝐦 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1731328
Kudos: 2





	1. - almost ( 𝐉. 𝐀.)

  * capturing the sadness of the word: “almost.”
  * A/N - layout by [@adoresobs](https://adoresobs.tumblr.com/)!
  * [𝐌 𝐀 𝐒 𝐓 𝐄 𝐑 𝐋 𝐈 𝐒 𝐓](https://dissident-vedder.tumblr.com/post/614494030700675072/%F0%9D%96%89%F0%9D%96%8E%F0%9D%96%98%F0%9D%96%98%F0%9D%96%8E%F0%9D%96%89%F0%9D%96%8A%F0%9D%96%93%F0%9D%96%99-%F0%9D%96%9B%F0%9D%96%8A%F0%9D%96%89%F0%9D%96%89%F0%9D%96%8A%F0%9D%96%97%F0%9D%96%98-%F0%9D%96%92%F0%9D%96%86%F0%9D%96%98%F0%9D%96%99%F0%9D%96%8A%F0%9D%96%97%F0%9D%96%91%F0%9D%96%8E%F0%9D%96%98%F0%9D%96%99)



  


[y/n] has had some troubles with previous pregnancies, first one being a miscarriage, second being stillborn, and this pregnancy, her third pregnancy, was going along well enough to the doctor’s likings, however, saying there might be some issues during the birth. they didn’t know what was exactly going to happen, they only knew that there might be issues. upon hearing the news, [y/n]’s stress went through the roof, something the doctor said to keep at a low level, and she began wondering what the _hell_ was going to happen. 

she read as many pregnancy books as she could get her hands on, tried to see what would work for her during the birth, even started going to a massage parlor more often to loosen her muscles, which began cramping from stress. jeff was with her every step of the way, rubbing your knuckles with the pad of his thumb at every doctor’s visit, telling you everything was alright, and even his band members got involved. eddie, knowing the feeling of the world crushing upon your shoulders, was there to calm you down, doing some breathing exercises that have worked for him in the past. mike was there, trying to help you by doing what he did best; make others laugh. he would not leave until he had you red in the face, lungs hurting as you tried to control your laughter. stone was someone you could talk to, him being the more serious of the bunch, and he listened to your ramblings and often pitched in his own advice.

the day of your due date arrived and left, leaving you still heavily pregnant and in pain. your body ached, your feet had swollen and always felt like you were dancing on needles, and your back seemed to be giving out with every passing day. 

two weeks had gone since the day that was prospected to bring your child into the world, and finally, you had a contraction. it was mildly painful, yet somehow exciting, that you were able to meet the child you and jeff created so long ago.

it had been a day since you had your first contraction, and they just kept getting worse, when, finally, the doctor announced that you were fully dilated. when he told you this, you felt immense fear of what was to come, remembering that he told you, once upon a time, that there could be issues with the birth. however, knowing that you _had_ to push, you pushed with all your strength once the doctor said it was okay, crushing jeff’s hand as you felt the head crowning, a ring of fire developing around its head.the worst part was the shoulders, you heard. you felt it, the pain that somehow multiplied as the baby’s shoulders peeked, a small scream erupting from your lips. “it’s almost done,” the doctor announced, tiny body in his hands, and he finally came out, bloodied and crying, eyes shut tight, hands into little fists. after the cord was cut and the baby cleaned, he was placed over your chest, but you could barely felt his weight. 

you felt as if you were floating in an endless space, vision blurring, and your breathing slowing down, and you heard, through what seemed like a pool of water, as the doctors began to frantically talk, of what, you didn’t know. a hand touched your shoulder, shaking you, the child taken off your chest. The heart monitor slowed steadily, alarming the doctors of your impending doom.

jeff was escorted out of the room, to where his bandmates were waiting for the news, trying to calm him down when they saw him pounding on the shut door, demanding to be let back in. they all heard it, the haunting sound of the flat line, alarming everyone that you had passed away.

an _almost_ forever.


	2. - hiraeth ( 𝐉. 𝐀.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N - layout by @adoresobs! I know the kids in the photo are white, since it is Emilia Clarke’s baby photo, but you can imagine them as any race you are! It’s just an inspiration!  
> 𝙝𝙞𝙧𝙖𝙚𝙩𝙝: (n). a homesickness for a home you can’t return to, never was.

  * capturing the sadness of the word: “almost.”
  * **A/N** \- layout by [@adoresobs](https://adoresobs.tumblr.com/)! I know the kids in the photo are white, since it is Emilia Clarke’s baby photo, but you can imagine them as any race you are! It’s just an inspiration!
  * 𝙝𝙞𝙧𝙖𝙚𝙩𝙝: (n). a homesickness for a home you can’t return to, never was.
  * [𝐌 𝐀 𝐒 𝐓 𝐄 𝐑 𝐋 𝐈 𝐒 𝐓](https://dissident-vedder.tumblr.com/post/614494030700675072/%F0%9D%96%89%F0%9D%96%8E%F0%9D%96%98%F0%9D%96%98%F0%9D%96%8E%F0%9D%96%89%F0%9D%96%8A%F0%9D%96%93%F0%9D%96%99-%F0%9D%96%9B%F0%9D%96%8A%F0%9D%96%89%F0%9D%96%89%F0%9D%96%8A%F0%9D%96%97%F0%9D%96%98-%F0%9D%96%92%F0%9D%96%86%F0%9D%96%98%F0%9D%96%99%F0%9D%96%8A%F0%9D%96%97%F0%9D%96%91%F0%9D%96%8E%F0%9D%96%98%F0%9D%96%99)



  


it took stone, eddie, mike, and dave’s strength to get jeff away from the door, their hearts breaking down at their bandmate’s breakdown. jeff was always the cool, collected member, he was the one everyone went to whenever they had a problem, so, how did they calm him down? they got him seated in one of the uncomfortable chairs, rubbing his back as he cried into his hands, elbows resting against his knees, dead silence in the hallway. even people who walked past stayed quiet. time passed.

an hour.

time never slowed, time is unforgiving, not bothering for anyone to catch up to it; it will alwas move along. but for jeff, the world was crumbling down, time had stopped, and in his mind, he was still in that hospital room, holding onto [y/n]’s hand as her heart slowed to a stop. the one moment she feared became reality. and it was the last moment she had. 

months had passed, jeff holding his son in his arms, patting his back lightly as he rocked him, a gently soothing motion that [y/s/n] had fallen asleep to. it had worked on you when you had a nightmare, he remembered, hand going up to his neck, grasping the ring that hung from a chain, the engagement ring he had given you so long ago. you had been buried with your wedding band, the white gold glinting off your lifeless finger during your funeral. 

his bandmembers helped with taking care of [y/s/n] , taking turns holding him when jeff had to record his parts for a song or had to take care of a few errands the producers and video directors had him do. anything to get his mind off of your death, he willingly did everything. jeff looked down at the baby in his arms, daring to think that he had a bit of you in him, the bassist remembering your baby photos that your mother had showed him one night. he remembered the photo of you with a black circle around your eyes, drawn with the crayola markers your aunt gave you for christmas, a pair of white underwear on your head, a white robe and a red turtleneck adorned your little body. your tongue stuck out, hands up as your brother had his own version of a homemade costume.

jeff wanted to have another child with you, but it seemed as if nature had its own plans. he wanted to take care of [y/s/n] as best as he could, send him to the best of schools, get him into a college, and support whatever dreams he had. It’s what you would have wanted. 

[y/s/n] was now five and heading into kindergarten. he looked so happy when he saw frances, his best friend since he could remember, and the daughter of kurt. [y/s/n] had helped courtney overcome the death of her husband (not really knowing why she was sad), and kept an eye out for frances at pre-k, then now in kindergarten. he had grown up to look like you, the both of you sharing the same complexion (a little more toned down on [y/s/n], jeff had to admit), and your eyes were the same, the same bright eyes that smiled at him so often when you were telling one of your jokes.

jeff’s eyes teared up as he watched his son walk across the stage, dressed in maroon robes, as he collected his bachelor’s degree from dr. daniels, eddie, stone, mike, matt, and the rest of their family and friends cheering as [y/s/n] smiled up at everyone and waved at them. 

_how he wished you were here to celebrate your son’s big moment._


End file.
